As a lot of you know, I've been working at a gift shop since mid-October, and for 2 years prior to that, I worked in a Hallmark store. At the card shop, I frequently had customers who were looking for sympathy cards and also for appropriate gifts for a bereaved friend or relative - I've had several who have cried on my shoulder and some who have shared their stories with me - it's never a happy experience when that happens, but I've always just tried to be there and listen (I've listened to people who can't show their grief in front of their families, but can let it out to the clerk at the Hallmark store.....) - sometimes I've hugged people, sometimes I've cried with them, and sometimes I've even had people come back and thank me.... but I've digressed...

Tonight was my first such experience since moving to the gift shop, where people tend to be buying for birthdays and anniversaries, births and baptisms - happy occasions - and it was one of the saddest I've had to deal with. Tonight I had a young couple come in - the young man came right over and when I asked if I could help them - he said they needed a box for their baby's ashes! He did most of the talking, the woman was quite tearful - and I had a hard time not crying myself as I offered suggestions.... though I am crying now that I'm home... silly of me perhaps... but this has been making me ache all the rest of the evening and I needed to put it out somewhere. Sometimes I think I think I'm too compassionate - I feel other's pain very easily..... I needed to get this out and my hubby is not home, so I came here.... I'm sure some of you will think this is silly - that poor young couple are the ones who have lost their child - and I'm sitting here crying about it! But there it is... :cry: :cry: :cry:

Those poor people. I am glad that they found someone as compassionate as you to help them. Sorry it was so hard for you to deal with but having someone who cares was probably a comfort to them. What a horrible situation.

I have a friend that lost her 4 year old in a pool accident while pregnant with her 2nd. She is actually (almost 6 years later) okay talking about it, but I must admit it tears me up just hearing her talk about her first child.

I am constantly amazed at how people deal with things like this. I look at my own children and wonder how do you say goodbye to that? How do you learn to accept that you outlived your own child? I don't know that I could, to be honest.

Anyway, that's me being weird... ((HUGS)) I'm glad they came to you, I'm sure it was hard for you, but I'm sure you helped them in some small way.

Big hugs to you sweetie! And that's perfectly fine to cry... it just shows how empathic you are. And that's a very good thing (though you may not always feel that way when other people's feelings can affect you so easily).

It's funny you brought this up though, because a couple of hours ago, I was at the Hallmark website myself buying sympathy flowers for my sister-in-law (Mike's sister) whose husband died of alcohol poisoning a few days ago. So it's deep voodoo that we were both going through similar circumstances at nearly the same time, and both at Hallmark.

Oh those poor people and the poor little baby! Of course you're upset Rosie! How could you not be? I'm tearing up just reading this.

I'm sorry your sad, but I'm glad that couple had a caring person like you to help them instead of someone indifferent. I can't even begin to imagine what they're going through.

How awlful for the couple. We should never have to bury our children :cry: I'll be keeping them in my thoughts. It was lucky that you were there {{{Rose}}} for I'm sure that they had a wonderful person that listened to them :)

Things like this make what we go through not so bad :(

Hugs for you Rosie, and my thoughts are with the parents also. It's a wonderful thing that on such a sad occasion that they found a thoughtful, caring and loving person to help them.

I had a sad night also. On my way home from a Math workshop at one of my schools I came upon an accident scene. I wasn't the first there, but I arrived before police, fire or ems. Thankfully, there were a couple of nurses and other wonderful folks who stopped also to help. An elderly couple were crossing a busy street and were hit by a car. The woman tried to talk to us, but was very hard to understand, however her husband was in really bad shape. I helped keep the lady as calm as possible until EMS got there, but she was understandably agitated. I think she was probably going to be okay, but I'm very worried that her husband might not make it. I didn't see it happen, and don't know if the person who hit them stayed at the scene or kept going. I came home and cried myself. Even my son shed a few tears as I was telling him.

What is it about us that makes us cry for strangers? And why do I always hurt worse for the very young and the very elderly?

Rosie I don't think that it is possible to be too compassionate.

You may have been just what that young couple needed. Someone who was compassionate enough to listen and help and let them know that even though you are a complete stranger that their baby's life and death meant something to you.

The world needs more people like you. With more compassion this world would be a better place to live in.

Big Hugs Rosie to try to lift your spirits back up and know that you are special.

(((Rosie)))

Thanks for all your comments, for sharing your own experiences and feeling, and for the hugs - I truly appreciate it! :kiss:

I think it is the human in us - especially the female. We ache more for the young and elderly because they seem more helpless, they need to cared for more.

And they were very lucky you were there to help them - how could they not be lost, and looking for someone to help them with their decision.

I cry while watching movies. On the news this morning, two girls, 11 & 10, died in a house fire. I got a huge lump in my throat and my nose starting stinging. How awful.

:cry: Sci is right we should never have to bury our children. :cry:

(((((Rosie))))) Of course you're affected by it. Any compassionate person would be. Grief like that is so extreme and, even though you only walked with them for a short period in their grief, it is a difficult experience.

I'm so glad they found you when then needed you, even though it was difficult for you. Bless you for giving them a gift when they so desperately needed it. :kiss:

I would have also been affected. You are a caring person and sometimes this is what comes out of caring. Compassion is good. Please don't stop caring. It is what makes you,you :)

(((Rosie))) It's perfectly normal & not silly at all to be upset about this. How sad!

I know when my grandfather died, we went with a non-traditional container for his ashes, and even though I knew all about the plan, the first time I saw the container I immediately burst into tears. It was a sudden moment of reality, realizing that my 6 foot 2 grandfather was going to fit in that little sack!

Aw ... Rosie. Those people found you for a reason. I'm so glad you were there for them, even though it's hard on you. Empathy isn't easy. Thanks for having the courage to show it.

Just saw this thread now...aww...it's so sad really, but I think you're helping these people more than you know. For them to have somebody to cry on their shoulders is really quite powerful when in grief. I know it's sad, but you are there for them, and that counts.

I would have cried too Rosie....I get really emotional about stuff like that.

(((Rosie))) :wub: :flowers:

Rosie, how lucky they were to come in to the shop and find you there to wait on them. Having empathy for others is a wonderful thing.

I have been watching my parents deal with my brothers death, and even though he was 47 and they are in their 70's, he was still their baby boy and I see that it is an awful experience no matter what the age of your 'child'.

I quit watching the TV news many years ago because I would find myself crying through the broadcast.

{{{{{{Rosie}}}}}} you are so good and I would have cried too probably.

This week I had to go with a client to her last contact visit with her child before the kid is adopted. This client has had 3 children taken into care and this is the youngest and last one to be adopted - so she won't see her again now, unless the child contacts her as an adult. The child is just over a year old, and she hadn't seen her for about 9 months.... I spent 3 hours with her and the child. That was a hard day I have to say. I didn't cry even when the foster carer the child has been with started..... but I felt pretty bloody sad.

(((Rosie)))

Wow, Giz! That's a tough job you have! :ph34r: {{{Giz}}}


And thank you everyone for the kind words and the hugs..... it's appreciated!

((((((((((((((((Rosie)))))))))))))))))))
I'd come to you for a hug if I needed it. And I may someday soon, but for now--- Here's on for you.

:hug:

Yes <nod> I have to agree, this is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Just the act of picking out a container probably helped them feel like they were doing something-- and they'd definitely would want something they felt was very special and it is great they found the right person to help them.

My admiration for you just keeps growing,
{{hugs Rosie}}

Rosie ~

I just came across this thread and had to comment. This touched very close to home for me. Pardon any typos I make as I'm a bit emotional at the moment too :wub:

When my oldest son was five he was severly injured in an auto accident. We didn't lose him by the sheer grace of god. We were originally told he wouldn't survive the night , thankfully they were wrong.

After many months in the hospital and years in rehab./therapy we helped him rebuild his life and he is now your typical , pain in the butt 16 yr old.

I'm telling you all of this for 2 reasons.

1) So you will understand my next comments

and 2) because you will NEVER know how deeply the concern and understanding of a complete stranger can truly touch a person going through that kind of hell. They might not remember your name , but your caring will be remembered for a LONG time.

My heart goes out to you , as I know being that stranger is not easy either , having been one for many of the other parents on the Pediatric ICU floor during our ordeal.

You did a wonderful thing in helping them. Glad all your friends were here to lean on to get you through it too. Hugs to you for being the caring person you are.

For many it is that sharing that gives us the strength to go on.

Brat.... thank you.... SO much..... {{{{{{Brat}}}}}}


I really have to say this now - after I made that first post, I was really kicking myself because I thought people might think it was rather selfish to be feeling in need of some support myself at that time......

but once again you folks have come through for me and reminded me why I love you all - you've helped lift me back up and understand that my reaction was okay - and MORE - you've helped me to feel good about myself and I don't have the words to tell you all how much that means to me....

Bless you all - I love ya!! :wub:

Caring about others is what makes the world go round ... Your Welcome! :*